When we experience emotions such as anger, pain or stress it can be a signal that our emotional needs are not being met.
For example, if you’re talking to your partner and you start to feel angry with them because you think they are not listening, it could be a signal that your need to be understood is not being met.
Another minor example could be you feeling frustrated that your partner has left their clothes all over the house. This could be a signal that your need to live in a tidy orderly environment is not being met.
Identifying and communicating the need behind the feeling can lead to more positive exchanges and prevent the feeling of anger and frustration being taken personally by your partner.
It can also help you identify what steps you can take to move towards the need being met.
For example once you have identified you have a need to be listened to and understood, which is not being met, you can calmly say to your partner ‘I have a need to be understood is it possible for you to stop what you are doing and look at me whilst we are talking so I can be sure you understand what I am saying?‘
Have fun exploring and learning!