Why is it when you choose your next car you suddenly see more and more of them on the road? Why is it when you’re struggling to get pregnant all you see are pregnant women, babies and young families?
I can remember during our journey times when I felt fine with our situation; at peace as we continued the journey. Then suddenly I would see a father with his young child and in that moment any hope and peace I had evaporated to despair and grief.
However this doesn’t have to be the case. I can look back now and see why I was affected in such a way from seeing babies and young families. If I knew what I know now about the mind, I’m convinced I wouldn’t have had such an emotional response in those situations.
The thing is, nothing has the power to make us feel anything. Our experience moment to moment is not created by external situations and circumstances. Although it very much feels that way, our experiences moment to moment are created by our thinking about the circumstances.
It is what we think about something that creates the feelings and experience of it. Some people would say they are in a very stressful job, but the job does not have the power to make them feel anything. It is what they think about it that creates a feeling of stress, which is why some days feel better than other days because thinking changes moment to moment, day-to-day.
Our thinking tells us stories. It creates an illusion of reality that just isn’t true, but is believable and plausible, so we believe it. For example, when I saw a father with a young family my thinking was telling me I will never experience that. I will never be a father. This thinking led to the sense of grief, hopelessness and despair. However my thinking was projecting into the future; predicting the future. That’s what thinking does. But nothing can predict the future not even your thinking.
When we begin to recognise the nature of thought we can see through the illusion and stories it creates. We can see it for what it really is – just a story. Our thinking takes us away from the here and now. It goes into the past and projects into the future. We forget it is just a thought, not reality.
I’m not saying your infertility is created by your thinking, but your experience moment to moment is. [However epigenetics is now demonstrating how your thinking can affect your biology down to the cellular and DNA level, but that’s another article!]
When we let go of the stories, we come back to the here and now. We can find peace of mind regardless of circumstances and what we see around us. Nothing can predict the future, not even our thinking.
So when you see someone pregnant you can forget to remember to think about your thinking. You can be more aware that the feelings you feel are based on stories in your head, not on reality. Yes the reality is you don’t have a child yet, but who knows what tomorrow brings, your thinking certainly doesn’t. You can’t predict what’s going to happen in the next five minutes let alone next month. Nothing, not even your thinking can predict the future.
Come back to the here and now, the present moment. Focus on your breath, your breathe and body are always in the here and now. Listen to your instinct, your gut that is a source of truth, grounded in the here and now. Your instinct and intuition is a much better guidance mechanism to life than thinking.
Try this breathing technique that you can use any time, any place, anywhere as it doesn’t require special breathing and you can do it with your eyes open, no-one needs to know you are doing it…