I want you to read the following with feeling. Don’t read for intellectual understanding – listen to your feelings as you read.
How is it the ‘rollercoaster’ of infertility can feel like a never-ending journey?
Although you may be at one stage of your journey, for example on Clomid for a period, your mind may well already be thinking about IVF. Or having IVF your mind may already be thinking about what’s next after this cycle.
The reason for this is thought.
Thinking is not in the here and now. It takes us out in to the future, to worry about future events that haven’t happened yet, second guessing outcomes and doing a lot of ‘what if’ analysis.
It also means you are not fully present, engaged in the present moment, mentally and physically (biologically). We want your body to be fully engaged in the reproductive process.
When get caught up in your thinking you lose a sense of perspective. You lose clarity of mind and a sense of wellbeing – lost in the illusion of the ‘reality’ thought creates.
It is an illusion of reality because not even your thinking can predict the future despite the fact it spends a lot of time in it telling you stories of whether you are/aren’t going to get pregnant and have children.
Thoughts are so believable are they? Your thinking deceives you because it sucks you in to this ‘credible’ story of the future. They tell you that you need to think/worry/work out what to do in order to protect yourself and get the positive outcome you want.
However actually it was your thinking that created the illusion of the future in the first place.
If your thinking can predict the future can you ask it to let me know next weeks lottery numbers!
When you let go of your thinking you return to our default emotional state, we were born with a sense of wellbeing, being complete and whole. From this place you the gain a sense of perspective, clarity of mind which bring a sense of hope and wellbeing – even where you are right now on your journey.
When you let go of story of thought you access your inner intuition, your inner wisdom which is a much better guidance system than thought.
It’s about trusting to let go of the thoughts and feelings, trusting your intuition/wisdom will be there to guide you.
A client of mine was on Clomid and was getting anxious about whether she wanted to do IVF or not. Helping her get in tune with her wisdom helped her recognise what she really wanted which bring a sense of peace. It also enabled her to relax in to being where she was now on her journey – trying naturally.
Next time you become aware of being caught up in your thinking try this:
Feel the feeling.
Whatever you are feeling it is OK to feel it. Whether it is pain, hopelessness or stress. You are only ever feeling your thinking – so as you thinking changes so does how you feel. The more you resist a feeling the stronger it gets.
Your thinking tells you that you need to think (worry!) about your situation to maximise your chances of a positive outcome. This then leads to another thought, then another thought. Before you know it your head is going at 300 thoughts per minute and is a fog, like a shaken snow-globe. When this happens you lose perspective, forgetting the things you can appreciate and enjoy in your life. Taking stock of a situation helps you regain a sense of perspective.
What can I do about it?
How often are you worrying about something you have no control over? Our thinking does such a good job and making us think we need it, that is is useful that we follow it down a rabbit hole even and can become consumed by something we have no control over. How useful is that? Check in with yourself and ask what you have control over or not. Again, it helps regain some clarity of the situation.
Let go of your thinking.
Your thinking about the issue is going to be telling you a story that however plausible is just not true. When you let go of thought you can regain a connection with your intuition, inner wisdom which is a much better guidance system for your future. What does your wisdom say about the situation?
Reconnect with your body.
When you are stuck in thought you are stuck in your head – disconnected from your body. When you connect with your body you begin to come out of your head and thinking. This is why meditation/yoga/pilates/tai-chi can be so relaxing. Put your hand on your womb. What does your womb say about your fertility?