Recently whilst clearing out some paperwork I came across my test results from our fertility journey. I was interested in mapping out the dates of the tests/results to where we were on our journey as I made a number of life changes during it.
The first result was disastrous. I will never forget that one, being told the shocking results and being asked whether I had ever experienced dangerous radiation in the past – they were that bad!
I then went on a five-month programme to improve my fertility doing everything I believed could make a difference. Things like acupuncture, herbs, nutrition, not putting my phone in my pocket to wearing baggy pants!
The next test five months later was actually marginally worse than the original, I didn’t think that was possible!
At this point I gave up trying as didn’t believe I could do anything to improve my results. We were now in the hands of the clinic as far as I was concerned. It was all down to them from now.
At the same time I hit rock bottom emotionally after eights years on our journey and my wife gaining her full fertility for the first time in her life getting my test results was a kick in the teeth and I’d given up all hope.
This was a trigger for me to begin examining my life and why I was unhappy. I thought having children would make me happy, give me a sense of fulfilment in life and now it looked like this was not going to happen.
In my reflection I realised I had choices. I could choose to leave the job I didn’t enjoy. I could choose to stop meeting other people’s expectations and start to be ensuring with what I want in life. I could take more responsibility and action to create more the life I want. I was going through the motions of life, I wasn’t living life to the full, part of me was telling myself I wasn’t allowed to be happy or have fun and do the things I really wanted to do. I was looking at life through a bunch of childhood thinking.
What I find interesting, but actually not surprised about, is that we conceived naturally a few months after making these decisions and changes to my life. Intrigued I had another sperm test to see what was going on and it was dramatically improved without me even trying to improve it.
Don’t get me wrong I still firmly believe in the power things such as acupuncture, herbs, nutrition etc. on our physical and emotional wellbeing. However in my personal and clinical experience our mind is incredibly powerful and can undermine anything we do if we are not in a place of peace.
The fear of things not working can cause a bigger impact to ourselves and our body than the benefits they bring.
In summary it’s not what we do it’s why we do it.
Whether it is taking daily temperatures (which were big fan of), sticking to a nutrition plan, whatever it may be, if we have underlying fear that it is not going to work (or it becomes a chore and we begin to resent it) then this thinking can undermine any benefits the behaviours and actions bring.
This is why recommend focusing on Project You rather than Project Baby. Because when you do that project may be tend to carry take more care of itself.
If you have any questions or comments please feel free to contact me direct or leave a comment below. I will respond to each one personally.
With love
