Infertility puts a massive strain on relationships – fact.
Feeling emotionally connected to your partner can make a world of difference in the day-to-day experience of your fertility journey. Being emotionally accepted and understood is not only a human need, but it also provides a sense of wellbeing to each partner. I want to share with you an aspect of relationships that could help you create a better sense of togetherness with your partner.
All relationships have expectations and or agreements. Expectations can be toxic to a relationship, causing misunderstanding, conflict and tension between the couple. I experienced this first hand in my relationship with my wife.
I had expectations of my wife. Just like in the movies, I wanted her to be in good spirits, loving and embrace my homecoming each day. This did not happen when she was having a low day, which left me disappointed . A barrier started to form, preventing me from responding in a loving and compassionate manner. Over time my disappointment led to a change in my expectation. I found that I expected her to be in a low mood, which prevented me from responding empathically, creating a toxic environment.
In every new relationship we find ourselves making thoughtful gestures to our partners. At first we are considerate and accommodating, which is greatly appreciated. These thoughtful gestures can turn into expectations. For example, the morning offering of cup of tea or coffee turns into an expectation.
The thoughtful gesture becomes a responsibility that the giver has to live up to.
People rebel against expectations, which leads to disappointments. By removing expectations you find yourself surprised by a thoughtful gesture, happy and less disappointed.
Agreements on the other hand are stronger than expectations. Agreements require some effort and ownership. Human beings love keeping the agreements they make.
If you feel misunderstood by your partner or feel disconnected, find a light hearted moment, a time when you are both in a giving mood to request an agreement. The agreement could be that you both spend some time each day to check in and really understand how the other is feeling.
Have fun letting go of expectations!
I would love know what you think of this. Leave a comment below.