I’ve been more aware recently how I still have anger in me, For me it’s mainly from childhood experiences as well as anger at ‘life’ for not ‘being fair’, this was particularly strong in relation to infertility.
It’s more of an undercurrent of resentment and frustration rather than rage. I had a lot of resentment towards my mother for the way she was when we were growing up. I have let a much of that go which transformed my relationship with her for which I am ever grateful for. However, I’ve been aware that I am still carrying some and isn’t serving me.
I was also very angry with God/life/the universe/mother nature (whatever words work for you) on our fertility journey. To me, it just wasn’t fair. Everyone else seemed to get what they wanted with much more ease. Life seemed so much harder for me, and it wasn’t fair.
This anger that I have been holding, although is all related to past stuff, it contaminates my present experience. It is too easy for me to project this anger onto my wife or bring it into situations where it’s not relevant (but sure looks like it is at the time!).
Anger also disconnects me. It stops me feeling connected to my wife, to life and the present moment. It stops me having peace and happiness.
Though I don’t believe we have to weep and wail to let an emotion go. At the end of the day, emotions are thoughts/stories we are ourselves in this moment. But the more we understand what is creating our experience of anger, but it’s not us or our situation but thoughts in this moment we don’t have to be scared of it. I judged myself as being bad for feeling angry. I thought it was destructive when actually suppressing it is more destructive as I ended up being passive-aggressive.
It is our relationship with our emotions that causes more harm than the emotion itself. The emotion itself is neutral. It’s a thought in this moment. It’s when we judge ourselves for having it, or resent it or even resist it can have more power and become more destructive. There is a phrase, what we resist persists.
Again I don’t believe we have to weep and wail to let it go but less we are scared of it the more it can come and go without much of a drama.
I’ve been using a Kundalini yoga practice to allow my anger and not be scared of it. It’s like punching a pillow without the punching! Afterwards, I feel so much open and receptive to the world. So much more available to give and receive love. To see the universe as a loving and supportive energy behind life.
- What’s your relationship with anger or other emotions?
- Are you scared of any experience?
- How would you be if you didn’t have to be scared of any experience?